Some people say, you never know what you have till it's gone.
Some people say, you just never thought of lose that.
I would say, the worst is you still have part of them and keep counting till the last breath, hoping it will stay, even the person in charge already gave the expiry date, to let it go.
Let them all go.
Dear my baby,
Thank you for our (considerably) short time together.
Thank you for giving me & your daddy a very happy & thoughtful thinking about future.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Tomorrow we'll have the farewell party. I'll be unconscious or sleeping Dear, I'm really sorry, but I assure you that I want to give you the best goodbye ever by not being cry-babies.
Thanks a lot and see you later.
XOXO,
Your one & only Mom.
Kemarin aku menyaksikan tubuh kecil, tak lebih dari separuh badanku, dibaringkan di keranda. Saudari kembarnya membuang muka sambil terus bergelayut pada Ibunya yang berusaha tersenyum pada tiap tamu. Neneknya meraih tanganku cepat, memotong kalimat bela sungkawa yang belum utuh:
"Samean ngerti arek e kan Mbak Vinka? Samean eling kan?
(Kamu tahu bagaimana anak itu kan? Kamu ingat dia kan?"
Apa yang lebih membikin lidah kelu, selain semua itu?
Siang ini aku melihat anak yang menangis mencari ayahnya. Ibunya sedang di-gips, patah di dekat pergelangan tangan. Neneknya, menggendong sambil berkata padaku,
"Ngene iki lho Ka, wis eling arek e
(Begini ini lho Vinka, ia sudah mulai ingat."
Ingat bahwa ia tak akan pernah bisa memeluk ayahnya lagi. Ayah yg ia cintai. Ayah yang harus pergi, bahkan sebelum mengetahui bahwa ia akan menjadi bapak dari 2 anak.
Apa lagi yang membuat ingin segera pikun,
selain rentetan memori yang tak sanggup disimpan?
Selamat jalan Revo, keponakan yg ganteng, mas Romli, kakak yang belum sempat saya kenal lebih dalam. Sampai jumpa lagi.
Hari Minggu kemarin Bopo dan Ibu datang berkunjung. Hangat. Ramai dengan cerita-cerita tanpa henti dari keduanya. Kedua orang tuaku itu memang seperti merapel setumpuk cerita setiap bertemu, seperti berniat membayar hutang puluhan percakapan sebelum makan malam yg wajarnya dilewati bersama.
Mereka hanya tinggal sebentar, karena saya juga harus berbagi ilmu merajut di sore hari. Tepat setelah mobil bopo - ibu berlalu, saya & suami ngaso sebentar di kamar depan. Suami memetik gitar sesukanya, sementara saya termenung. Otak mengajak jalan-jalan ke bayangan masa depan.
Suami (Sm) : Ada apa?
Saya (Sy) : Gakpapa.
Sm : Mikir apa?
Sy : Mikir masa depan.
Sm : Opo'o?
Sy : Pye ya nanti? Permasalahan & jalan ini kan pasti bergeser. Gimana ya caranya kita nanti mengajarkan anak kita untuk tahu cara berjuang, bekerja keras. Dulu kan permasalahan saat masanya Bopo - Ibu mungkin tentang pangan, kebutuhan pokok. Betapa sering makan buah mentah, agar perut tidak kelaparan. Kalau masa kita kan sudah bergeser Yang, untuk makan 3 kali sehari sudah bisa, tapi akses pendidikan misalnya, masih banyak yang tidak terjangkau. Nah, pye anak kita nanti? Dengan keadaan yang sulit orang jadi tahu kerja keras. Dengan sejak kecil terlatih jualan, kulakan di pasar turi, aku yakin bisa hidup di Indonesia sesusah apa keadaannya. Asal ga dibom atom sih. Mengko kalo...
Sm : Jreng! *mendadak nggenjreng gitar*
Vinka plis tolong cari tahu
Biaya masuk sekolah
Kalo sakit dokter dan obat berapa
Cukupkah kita tuk merawat ... putra di negeri ini
Vinka coba jangan selalu ikuti
Beli boneka Toy Story dan makan di McD
Ajari main congklak atau makan di lesehan
Akankah kita membuka pikirannya
di negeri ini
Kuatkan kita Indonesiakan Putra, di negeri sendiri..
Saya pun tersenyum. Itu lirik Indonesiakan Una-nya Slank. Yah, ternyata itu (mungkin) adalah kegelisahan banyak orang tua sejak lama. Semoga saja diberi kemampuan dan kepercayaan untuk peran luar biasa itu...
=)
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| Proudly present Hubby's vest by me! |
After 3 months passed, finally the vest that I knitted for my hubby was done! Yeeaaaaayyyyy! It's my longest journey in knitting project anyway [till now], so you probably could imagined how my feeling was. I smiled ear to ear when he finally wore it to go to work. I received many questions and compliments: "How long you did the vest?", "how could you keep the patience for doing big project?", "how long you learned knitting to be ready to knit the big project?", and so on. Somehow, I really want to write how you could keep the pace and curiosity in knitting, but since I am a very beginner and only learned since 4 months ago, I feel that I am not qualified to do so. Then, today, I just want to tell you how the story behind this knit project. =D
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| back-detail |
First thing first, asking the people that you will knit what s/he want. I asked my hubby, what piece of knitting that he really want. He said, something wearable, not too difficult to me to knit and looks good on him. I've a thought for making him a sweater, like what mbak Ajeng did here, but I realized that how to seam the sleeves and other part will be a tough challenge to me. Then I chose vest and start looking some patterns and my eyes got stuck to this! It looks classic yet do-able, because I've already learned cable knitting before. My hubby also liked it directly, so we move to another step: YARN!
Yarn is quite a tricky part of knitting, in my own opinion. It's the main ingredient of your knit-project, then almost every aspect will relate to yarn. At a glance, I looked for the price of the same yarn as cited at the pattern, but then the budget will go gaga. That's why I should do a bit research for yarn-hunting. Most of the knitters who had the pattern used import yarn, I simply can't afford the same yarn with the same price in Indonesia, then I narrowed my preference to local yarn. If I talked about local yarn, then I turned my sight to Poyeng first. Perhaps you've already read my previous post about me introduced to knitting by met this cute hobby shop, since then it's hard to find the rival of the same kind shop. Poyeng had their signature yarns and the latest [at June, it just came out] was Hand-Dyed Rayon. The colors were lovely! Especially for the Vintage series, I just want to grab them all. Huhuhu. My husband let me chose the color, and after a deep thinking process, I took maroon. In several times of buying, for total I bought 10 skeins, each 100gr. The vest only took almost 7 skeins though. And in the end, I bought the Light Magenta color too, 2 hanks and 2 skeins. Please, it's simply irresistible. =P
Once I got the yarn, I made the gauge, but then I realized that the pattern wouldn't match. I had to double it up to match the gauge mentioned there. What I feel relieved was, even though I did double-ply-ing, but the Hand-dyed Rayon just keep smooth and fitted perfectly to the pattern. I was afraid it will look awkward and not good in his appearance, but the result turned out very nice. The Vintage series also had irregular pattern and color gradual, it helps showing the smooth texture of the knitting. The only thing that surprised was the dye color of the yarn faded to my bamboo needles, huhuhu. My needles turned red-ish now. It seems they need to evaluate more in that, but for the price I paid, it still made me content. =)
If you're missing your favourite colour or always left empty handed in Poyeng's yarn, it's a sign for you that you have to be keep-updated. Follow the owner's twitter account, its Facebook page and their website. A little tips anyway, try to diligently click here, my happiness shortcut for their giveaway. Hihi. They usually give knitting tidbits that always encourage us to keep knitting on.
For finishing this project, somehow it was like a milestone for my knitting journey. It challenges my resilience, patience and procrastinating habit. Knitting sometimes just like a one side-started war with myself, with the needles as a weapon, pattern as a tactic map, yarn as the battlefield. The winning comes very sweet & delightful in the end. It is the reason why I want to knit more and more.
Quoting an old Norse-Viking saying:
"From his weapons on the open road, no man should step one pace away."
Keep knitting fellas, and Hurrah!
Tidak sampai 2 minggu dari saya menulis post ini, kemarin malam beliau kembali di sisiNya.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'un.
Hanya kepada Engkau seluruh kepunyaanMu kembali ya Rabb..
Setelah perpisahan ini, semoga kami yang ditinggalkan kuat melanjutkan perjalanan.
Amin.
Just like a fever, it's been 3 weeks in a row, am keep baking this type of cake: Chiffon Cake. Seven pans in 3 weeks, in a type of cake, quite a record, isn't it? I've tried Greentea, Banana, Vanilla and perhaps many flavors later. It's easily became our favorite because of the particular texture when you tasted, it's really soft, a texture that everybody loved.
The first trial went by green tea flavor, I inspired by Happy Home Baking blog post, where she made the cake beautifully. She took the recipe from Okashi Treats: Sweet Treats Made With Love by Keiko Ishida. I thought the
recipe quite famous, because I've read mbak Wati from
http://wati-cookery.blogspot.com/ already made it too. I copied the recipe
below, for 7" pan. I personally doubled the ingredients, because the pan
which my mother gave me was 10".
Green Tea Chiffon Cake
Ingredients:
(makes one 7" cake)
3 egg yolks (use large eggs)
10g caster sugar
35g vegetable oil (I used canola oil)
50g fresh milk (original recipe calls for water)
45g cake flour
6g matcha green tea powder
3 egg whites (use large eggs)
45g caster sugar
6g corn flour
Method:
- Place egg yolks in a mixing bowl. With a manual hand whisk, whisk the yolks a little. Add in sugar and whisk to combine. Add in vegetable oil gradually, whisk to combine. Add the fresh milk, whisk to combine. Sieve over the flour and matcha powder, whisk till the flour is fully incorporated. Do not over mix. Set aside.
- Mix the 45g caster sugar with the corn flour.
- In a clean, dry mixing bowl, beat egg whites with a handheld electric mixer on low speed until mixture becomes frothy and foamy. Add half of the sugar and corn flour mixture and turn to high speed and beat the mixture. Continue to add in the remaining sugar mixture and beat until the egg whites reaches the soft peak stage.The soft peak stage is reached when the peaks of the whites curl over and droop slightly. The egg whites should appear smooth and glossy. (Do not over beat the whites still stiff, it is better to beat the whites still soft peaks for easy folding with the yolk batter.)
- Add the beaten egg whites into the egg yolk batter in 3 separate additions, each time folding gently with a spatula until just blended.
- Pour batter into a 7" chiffon tube pan(do not grease the pan). Tap the pan lightly on a table top to get rid of any trapped air bubbles in the batter.
- Bake in pre-heated oven at 180 degC for 30 mins, or until a toothpick inserted into the centre comes out clean, when lightly pressed the cake will spring back. Invert the pan immediately and let cool completely before unmould. To remove the cake from the pan, run a thin-bladed knife around the inside of the pan and the center core. Release the cake and run the knife along the base of the pan to remove the cake.
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| Green Tea Chiffon Cake. =9 |
For the second trial and later, I choose to use cream of tartar, because I love how it could constructed the cake perfectly. From all baking, my favorite goes to banana chiffon cake. I keep using recipe from Happy Home Baking, you could check it here. Over-ripe bananas give sweet flavor and nice aroma. And it gives us happy feeling too! =D
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| How the cake does anti-gravity yoga. Hehe. |
Last Sunday been a long way in journey to me & hubby. We travelled 90kms in total, went from Sidoarjo - Gresik - Surabaya - Sidoarjo. Attended the happy moment of Tabitha's wedding in Gresik, unfortunately had to leave immediately because my shoes are broken. =(
Try to keep survived because we have next destination in Surabaya: Shave for Hope! Yeaaayyy... It has been a waiting for me to join the event since the first time I knew about the concept. For everyone who hasn't informed about Shave for Hope, I'll quote a bit explanation from their official website:
Shave for Hope is the first and biggest charity event done through hair-shaving act in Indonesia. Everyone who participated has one exact purpose, to help and support childhood cancer. It is hoped that this event will raise both people’s awareness as well as highly valued funds.
It's not a big number, a hundred thousand rupiahs/person, for a cancer treatment, but how the event could bring more than just money. It brings awareness, empathy, and a particular happy feeling of giving to another. I, personally, start having a concern to cancer since my senior in extracurricular organization, Sinematografi Airlangga, got leukimia and need apheresis donor. Apheresis donor is a special blood donation because our blood will be separated in a particular machine and only the special part of the blood taken. I have the same blood type and for several time when he needed I can't give it because my period, out of town, etc. I feel regretted and sad somehow, for not having the opportunity to help further.
My senior who got leukimia is Iqbal Rais, the director of Tarix Jabrix, Si Jago Merah, Senggol Bacok, Radio Galau FM, and many more. Yes, he is. Probably you have already watched his movie in theatre and doesn't know his struggle stories behind it. He is one of a legend in Sinematografi UA, because he took a very brave step into a movie industries. As a junior, he ever taught me on movie things. And I still remembered, when his first movie had a promo tour, I came. The member of Changcuter band did free giveaway for several viewers, they gave a pin from metal with a logo of Tarix Jabrix in it. I was late for few seconds and all of them already taken. Perhaps I look so pitiful, therefore mas Iqbal took a pin from his cap and gave it to me. For years, I always use the pin. Now I just thought, when you want to give back to people who nice to you, it doesn't only take a goodwill, but an opportunity too. How hard you try, when the time and space do not allowed you then it won't happen.
Do everything that you have to, you want to, and what will make you regret for not doing so, NOW. Don't let any part of universe hold you back.
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| me and Iqbal Rais, Tarix Jabrix promo tour, 2008 |
Notes: Yesterday, September 22nd, 2013, God took all of his suffering & pain. May he rest in peace, dear respectful senior. T_T
Eid Mubarak!
It's already a week ago but I think Syawal month haven't end yet, so it sounds legitimate to continue the greetings. Well, I guess so. =P
How's your holiday fellas? Mine went short but smooth. This is my first Ramadhan in new place, so it isn't difficult to do "mudik" or going to our parents' home. It only takes one hour to each Surabaya and Mojokerto. The holiday is easy, but the preparation was not. Kukila, my cooking line, should meet 32 jars of cookies and for the last day of Ramadhan, I should make 10 pieces Chocolate Steamed Brownies. Alhamdulillah, I made it! I feel so relieved after it's over. I'm very grateful to all of the customers who believe me to do it. Because of them, I could buy myself a "two burner gas cooker" a.k.a "kompor gas bermata dua". Bye bye one burner, no more waiting in cooking. Yeayy!
I actually had bunches of idea to write on this blog about recipes I tried, knitting stuffs, crafting, business start-up, kitchenette [now this took my biggest concern, I'm designing simple kitchen but have to adjust with default pieces that already installed by the previous owner. It's quite difficult. =3] and home deco. And as always, the duties snaking around, longer than the time we have. So I will try my best to spare and share. Cheers!
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| Happy Eid from The Kasmadis! |
First of August means happiness to me. Because it means the d-day of some preparations, a plan's finale & the racing heartbeat: It's my husband birthday. Yayyy!
Being a wife makes me quite difficult to prepare. When you are only in relationship a.k.a going steady, you could prepare easily. You could make a call, meet some friends before hand and do that without too much curiosity from your partner. But when you share a bed and live at the same roof for almost 14-16 hours a day, make a surprise is different and difficult. Thanks God there are online shops who could help me in buying a gift. I bought a gift from GOMAN. If I were a man, I'm sure I'll buy a lot from this store. I was drooling every time I open it. I even targeting their Midnight Black Bertoli Baseball Jacket, because they are super-cool! Considering my size and hubby is alike, then we could wear it together. Hihihi.
After a long strolling up and down the web, I choose Wheat Reyhan Ikat Combination Shirt. Rendy & I had look and love it before, but for some reason unknown we cancelled the order. So, just a matter of time, every thing that destined to be together will come up together, as Rendy & the shirt. =P
After a long strolling up and down the web, I choose Wheat Reyhan Ikat Combination Shirt. Rendy & I had look and love it before, but for some reason unknown we cancelled the order. So, just a matter of time, every thing that destined to be together will come up together, as Rendy & the shirt. =P
Anyway, I try to deceive Rendy that I won't buy any gift for him and just will make a cake, because I didn't have a time to buy the gift. He seemed buy the reason well and said that's okay for having no gift, even no cake, because I still have a deadline to be fulfilled. But I still insist to make them, because in the other side, I have to use the egg-whites that stacked on my fridge. That's called "irit-alert" by my sister, an instinct that grows when you started being a wife and/or being a wife to use any leftovers/any recycle-able things around you. Haha.
