Rumah Sakit


Terkadang, kehidupan yang paradoks ini perlu diamati dari tempat yang banal. Kali ini di pandangku, ia berwujud tawa muram yang dipaksakan di bangku kayu panjang yang ada di ruang tunggu. Atau kikik geli, karena suara kentut merepet di lorong sal. Ia juga berupa senyum masam perawat yang sudah jenuh dengan pekerjaannya. Ia juga hadir dalam degup-degup kencang para penunggu di luar ruang operasi.

Ada mata-mata yang celik, memaksa diri untuk mengatup,  meski pikiran masih terpicing karena satu soal: esok akankah ada atau tiada?

Di koridor rumah sakit ini aku merepih sepi. 
Ada air mata yang harus ditahan, karena ia tak pantas untuk dibandingkan dengan perih yang tertanggung.

Ibu, cepatlah sembuh.


Knit Stories #1 : First Batch!


Finally! I've just finished my first knitting project. Huwooooow. The first step is always the hardest, isn't it? I actually thought the second step is the hardest, tho. Anyway, I got introduced to knitting by the event #JogjaEklektik when I learnt yubiami, finger-knitting. Mbak Ajeng, the owner of Poyeng, a lovely little workshop in Jogja where you could learn almost everything about knitting, was the one who gave the lesson of yubiami. Later, I came to Poyeng for lend a tapestry needle, because I want to sew my yubiami results. I was in awe with the variants of the yarns, needles and another knitting tidbits. I dare myself with buying a set of double points bamboo needles and a roll of soft acrylic yarns, by the Poyeng fellow assistance. She said that I could try to learn make a pair of baby shoes for the first challenge. I visited mbak Ajeng's blog, then get the pattern here. And now, I proudly present my first booties. Yeay!




Bau tanah yang disapa gerimis pagi
Ada pilu yang lebur,
Juga ada harap yang sepi.
Ada asa yang semerbak di lipatan ketiak petani
Juga ada semangat yang luntur.

Aku mau berhenti.


Letter to My Beloved Kids


Jogja, 14 April 2013

Dear kids,

How are you? I'm sure you'll be great as always. I'm sure that you've grown up as a wonderful sun this morning: bright, but not burning; healthy and not overwhelming. How's your Dad? I'm sure he's as handsome as the day he became my groom. Not too skinny, not too chubby. Just fit, as he always is to me. I miss him anyway, today he left me. No, he's not angry, he's just find a place with a roof for us. Yes, a warmer place to ensure that all of us safe and sound. I hope he's lucky enough for not bothering uncle Asikin too long. I feel too sorry for him. Don't forget to give him a respectful greeting whenever you meet, kiddo. He's helped your parents a lot. Okay?

How's life anyway? Have you still being picky to the food? Or is there any lesson which weighed you down? Don't imitate your father for being picky, and don't followed for being too worried too much in everything, just like me. Life never cushion your blow voluntarily, you choose and made it yourself. Be brave and start wander a bit, you'll find many great things ahead. Just a bit, and remember to come home regularly. Don't ask why, silly kid. For sure, it's me waiting for you. To hug you and listening your dream. To share you how grateful I am, because you dare to step in a dignified way. 

Just thinking about all of you already made me happy. I'm not sure is it your charming aura or just the melancholy mist around me. I'm really sorry anyway, I intend to write this letter because I have a glimpse in my head of leaving you before your Dad. I'm sorry, really sorry. You can ask him why do I have a thought like that, I don't want ruin this letter by explaining. At least, I try to grasp my gut on my fingers, typing a letter to you. The worst farewell is the one without saying goodbye, isn't it? 

I believe, when you reading this, it's a little bit sad in a way. Just don't. 

I trust you by my entire life. I put all my gold on the table, after you my dearest babies. I could mention hundreds reason for that, but I choose for not to. It's just me, simply your mother. No other reason needed. 

Sometimes people say parents' love is exaggerated, a blind love. Well, Uti & Akung grew me up not like that, tho. They quite sincerely logical in loving me. Somehow, it helps me a lot in facing the world. I can't conclude yet, how is my way. In any way, I will love as much as I can. I would love you, as the best way as I could. I love you, as always. 

Live well, my dearest kids. 

Thousand kisses, 

your Mom

P.S.: Uti always ask me nowadays, when will you arrive in her hug. Don't worry dear, I know you've already prepared a perfect timing. Not too late, not too soon. Right? =* 


Goodwill (Always) Matters


A full month without any post. Pfiuh. Everything happened for reason, of course. It is not a simply procrastinating me, I assure you. I've been thinking over and over, until this point when I conclude and trying to wrap it all, try to write an explanation to myself. And you, dearest fellas. 

Last month, several things happened. I met great people, learned many things new, got a new project, attended interesting events, tasted odd foods, portrayed beautiful pictures, been on every occasion who I could tell you here in a long and happily post. But I didn't. 

I read an article in Gogirl! Magazine, March edition. The big theme of the edition was Save Our Society. The magazine thought there are phenomena where the youngsters could take a part for the merrier future. Within the articles, one is "The Grey Area". They discuss several things which will be taboo if we used religion perspective, but the fact shows that it happened a lot in our daily life. It's a part of the article entitled "materialistic". This part mentioned how nowadays technology could make us easily shifted into a subtle "materialistic" person because of our habitual sharing activities in social media. We take it easily to capture our newest dazzling pair of shoes, glamour restaurant we visited, envious long holiday, how far the distance we traveled from one airport to others, until our trendiest gadget is tagged in every sharing. This article somehow stabbed me right to the heart. 

I did it all, I admitted. I have many account of social media where I could share everything I mentioned above. I blogged, I uploaded, I tagged, I checked in, I twitted, I pinned, I did all of it. It's sad in a way, when I think and re-think about it. And in the middle of thinking process, I read my friends status about how the social media could put a stamp on your face as: "Showing off people a.k.a Ostentatious". I usually being cynic to people who do "humble-brag" or do "covered-boast". I can't imagine how if another people thought me so. Because of these, I have a thought about not writing anymore in blog, related to any experience who could be wronged as "intended show-off". My belief taught me, when you could not decided it is right or no, just don't do that. So then, I choose to keep many experiences just for myself. I just could tell it to friends or people in a direct meet up, so they could judge easily how I sincerely share the story. 

Well, the situation didn't stop here, anyway. Choosing for not writing just plugged my entire brain-process. It's not helping. I don't feel happy too for holding my thought into another form of contemplating: writing in diary, for example. Now I try to pull myself together, try to ask myself, what's my intention in doing all of these. 

I believe there is a different between show & share. Share is the intention, show is the way. Showing could be the way for other goals too: boasting/flaunting/show-off. Yes, it's difficult to differentiate, because intention is related to willingness. 
Does s/he has a good will or no? Hard to prove
Do people who see it realize and perceive as the one who show? Hard to know, it's inside every people own mind. 

Here I am, sitting on the floor of my living room, writing my own explanation while the dusk comes. I'm trying  to not weigh myself too much by bothered into my "show-off-judged" fear. I just promised to myself for double checking by trying respect another people opinion of my posting/uploading/pin/twit. Innamal a'malu bin niat. Verily, each of deeds depend on its intention. 

"Finally, I can see you crystal clear, dear trouble.."