Convo #4 : I Thought You're Jealous


B: Just see, one day I'll tackle her down to give some lesson.
C: May I speak? You could say that you just want to give her lesson, but it sounds like jealousy to me. No, you ARE jealous. 
B: Me? I mean like she doesn't have any integrity and virtue to her own brain. She should look upon the truth and logically search the truest answer of the problem. I just show her the right way. 
C: Please, don't make any excuse. You're not a Messiah. Just admit that you're jealous because she's taking side on your opposite. It's okay. 
B: Perhaps I'm jealous, or not. But her attitude is not appropriate right?
C: It's her choice, though. Come on, let them go. Take the politic, maneuver and trick aside from your horizon. It's their problem if they wanna play dirty. If you jealous, it means you care. I believe you have higher capability, integrity, intention, et cetera. Don't let their moves take you down. Just raise your bar higher. For your own sanity and clarity. Will you?


I Let You Go


Now I'm reading Henry Manampiring's book Alpha Girl Guide. While several ideas mentioned is not really applicable to me, there is a topic that I hope I really know before I reach adulthood: to let people go.

Parents taught us to befriend with any people, no matter about the economic status, race, color et cetera. They only forbid to befriend with "naughty" kids or evil people. But as I grow, there's so much grey area. I don't think there is much pure evil human. Many people choose to do misdemeanor on the daily life, just because. This is not the excuse, though, since I believe every deed we did is the result of consciousness and the will. But still, it's not easy to judge people is cruel and stay away from them. So how and who are the people we need to build the fence and stay away?

Om Piring, the writer's nickname, told us to let go people who toxic. They are manipulating in relationship, befriending with them force us to wear a mask and pretend to be somebody else. Later in life, I found that somehow we just not suit each other. It's not that the particular person is ill-minded or having malicious intention. We're just not meant to be for pleasing every people, vice versa. And it's okay. 

If there are relationships that I lingered too long, there was two. First, to a close relative that taught me how to set plan for brighter future in my teen age, how he always spare time in the middle of his work when in town, how to hold tight into religion anytime, yet at the end he turned to believe God in different religion he taught me. Second, to a senior in my high school who became close because I want to play cupid for him and my sister, where it lead to a close relationship with his family. I came to his weddings, his firstborn son, his parents came to my wedding, et cetera. But after a definite time he changed, choosing the different way to love our God. Bopo died and I'm waiting the condolence words, at least. Yet it never came, even after I reached out in many ways I could. I'm brokenhearted for a long time, but now I really accepted that spiritual journey is personal & the basic human right. I value their choice. Back to Om Piring's word again, relationship comes and go.

I believe some people also let me go from their life, in any reason or situation. Perhaps our path will emerge again someday, or not. To people which path differed from my life, I let you go. I hope your life will be merrier and lead to kindness. I won't hold you back and asking the reason why because I respect all of your wisdom to choose. I never wish anything but luck to anyone who consciously decide and take full responsibility of their determination. Semoga Allah merahmati.  


Weekly Earworm


"Just stop your crying
Have the time of your life
Breaking through the atmosphere
And things are pretty good from here"
(Sign of The Times, Harry Styles)

"If you make the same mistakes
I will love you either way"
(Safe Inside, James Arthur)

"I swear that every word you sing
You wrote them for me
Like it was a private show
But I know you never saw me
When the lights come on and I'm on my own
Will you be there to sing it again
Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories"
(Can I be Him, James Arthur)