I Love You, As Always...


Last month, July, had totally fascinate me with its roller-coaster-y plot. Thesis, graduation, the premiere of my movie, my merchandise sale, tears, laughs, romance, heartbreak. It was complete.

At the moment, when I felt the complete puzzle, what’s next? I’ve already had a plan. A big master plan. I’m ready to do it. But, what feeling is it? Some kind of awkwardness, a little sadness and a hole just suddenly exist right there. Right at the middle of my heart. I look at the calendar, recognizing tomorrow as the first day of Ramadhan. Solely, a tear push through my eyes. Oh my goodness, I miss her by now.

All of these feelings bring me back to June 18th 2010. The deadline of my thesis. The day which I had the longest fresh breath after all torturing day to do the thesis. And the longest cry after all. At that day, afternoon, my mom just called me, ask me to stay calm. She brought the very upset news. My neighbor, my little sister, dek Tika just gone by traffic accident, at her 16th years old. My beloved little sister that I would never had from my parents, I grew up with her. We played together, dance, eat, cook, do anything that we want to do. I don’t know what should I say or do. I could not go home. I just cry over and over. I don’t know how long I’ve cried. I just know I wake up with horrible swollen eyes.

Ramadhan just bring the memories clung around me. I remember when dek Tika always pick me up to the mosque to do tarawih. How we laughed and yelled together when we played fireworks at my yard. We took a walk after doing shubuh prayer. Too many memories that couldn’t be replaced.

I can’t explain much more. I don’t want to look too sappy. I know she’ll hate it. But now, I do really miss her. Tik, I love you, as always.


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