I just feel & think too random tonight.
Organizations things. Bopo. Friends. Interview. Futures. Mom. Assignment. Sisters. Home.

Tomorrow (or today exactly) I'll have an interview for Erasmus Mundus Student Exchange program. I choose Communication concentration in International Relations faculty of Vrije University. It's located in Brussel, Belgium. Wish me luck guys. I bring my independent movie community development & my thesis as my goals. Hope the judges see the uniqueness of my goals.

I dunno why, but I feel so sad tonight. I just wanna cry. Sometimes this happen in me. I dunno the real reason, why do I feel this bad. I message my ex, tell him that I'll have interview tomorrow. I said that I need some support. He offered me to pick me up to the interview place. I don't want to. He still asked and told that it is okay. But I don't want to. I usual to face these kinda thing alone. Yes. My father & mother has taught me from the first. I'm the only student in my kindergarten whose never picked, watched, and waited by its parents. In my first school day, my parents never been there. I used to it.

For filling up my surreal condition, I did blogwalking. I opened my close friends blog, Ouwtease. First I opened Poet's blog, House of Queen P. I read this post. Jegerrr. I remember my family in a flash. Okay, I need another blog maybe. I open The Weight of My Word, She's blog. And I read this. In a glance, tears just drop. I can't help it. I cry out loud.

I really miss my father. I miss Bopo's hug in the morning when he has waking me up. I miss my mom's kiss after the pray. I miss my sisters' laugh when we told stories. I miss every lil' thing 'bout my family. People say that my family is weird. Every mom wait their children at kindergarten. My mom is an elementary school teacher, my bopo work either. I didn't have any nanny to replace them. But I didn't care. It taught me to be independent, to be friend with loneliness, to be creative in making some game.

My mom taught me the value of business-in-money-making from very early age. My bopo worked in morning-day-night shift in his job. We have ever live separated in 5 places. Bopo @ Gempolkrep (sugar factory), Mom @ Mojosari, Mbak Maya @ Jombang, Mbak Atih @ Sidoarjo and me @ Surabaia. People asked, how come we live separated? Mom's answer: We believe each other. A lot.

Now, I remember Me&Bopo conversations. When I went home last time, he asked me to work as a lecture, living in Surabaia, etc. Yes, I know I'm his last child. I know my parents are getting old. But still, a bold line across between their hopes, my dream and reality. I want them happy but I want to catch my dream too.

I want to fly first, Daddy.
But I'll always going home, Mom.
Let me, Parents. Please.